


Scars

by Rillion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Gen, Guilt, Scars, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 00:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16439396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rillion/pseuds/Rillion
Summary: Sam didn’t have to fight during the last 4 years. Dean did. And fights leave scars.Aka.: The one where Sam notices scars on Dean, he didn’t have before.





	Scars

It hasn’t been long since that night. The night the fire took Jessica. That very same fire, which also took their mom. It hasn’t been long since Dean and him reunited. Barely two weeks. Sam isn’t used to having his brother around anymore. It’s been two years since they last spoke. He isn’t used to Dean’s incredibly annoying comments, the snarky attitude, his shit-eating grin, the cheeky smile. Sam isn’t used to hearing “Sammy” directed at him. He isn’t used to the smell of leather and the engine of the Impala, the particular sound it’s doors make by opening. Sam isn’t used to long highways and the landscape passing by, waking up in another town every morning; isn’t used to the classic rock blasting, the sun setting in America’s western desert, painting it in all nuances of red and orange with no other souls around. He isn’t used to it anymore.

Sam sighs. Another motel. He doesn’t want to get used to motels. He will go back to Stanford when all this is done. He wouldn’t need any motels there. 

“I’m taking a shower”, says Dean. Sam nods absentmindedly, just hears the bathroom door shut after his brother. He is too lost in his own thoughts. It’s often like that these days. He just can’t stop thinking about everything; about the monster that ruined their lives, about how awkward it feels to pretend everything is fine between Dean and him and just start where they stopped four years ago. It just isn’t like that anymore.

“Son of a bitch!”, Sam hears from the bathroom. Dean comes out stumbling, his hair wet, dressed in jeans and a shirt.  
“Don’t go in there”, he warns, “The water is practically green.”

Dean shivers of disgust. “Great. Now I feel even more dirty.”  
“‘Told you this hotel sucks ass. Even for our standards”, says Sam.  
“Yeah, thank you Captain Obvious”, Dean replies, rubbing the water out of his hair as good as he could. “Is a hot shower too much to ask?”, his brother adds mumbling, his face buried in the towel.  
Sam looks over to the older. He narrows his eyes as he notices something odd on the others arm, something he doesn’t remember Dean having before he left to Stanford.

“What’s that?”, he asks, gesturing to the shoulder. Dean looks at it. “That?”  
He takes the sleeve of his t-shirt and rolls it up further. “Ghost hunt in Iowa. ‘Thing had fingernails like Wolverine’s female counterpart.”  
Sam furrows his eyebrows in unintelligibility. Wolverine’s what?

Dean seems to notice his lack of knowledge about the topic. “X-Men 2? United? Alkali Lake? William Stryker? No?” He gives up after it doesn’t ring a bell in Sam’s head.

“Looks pretty bad”, Sam comments, nodding in the scar’s direction. It was a nasty one. It probably didn’t heal right and wasn’t treated by a professional.

“I had to stitch myself up, so I didn’t exactly do a bang up job.” Dean imitates the angle he stitched himself in. “And it also got infected afterwards. That hurt, I tell you.”

Sam stays silent for a moment. This wasn’t the first scar he has noticed on Dean since they got back together. There are many scars Dean didn’t have before. One is directly under the older’s jawbone, long and bad enough to stay a lifetime. A tiny one is under the right eye, which is small enough to fade over time. There also is one on Dean’s neck and his right forearm. It isn’t surprising. The work they do -the work he does-, it is a risk. Scars were as common in this line of work, as in the military, or even more. If there is a new monster attacking every week, how often does one go unharmed? 

It hurts Sam somewhere. There, in his chest. A stinging sensation, that made swallowing harder. Maybe, if he had been there, he could have prevented some of those injuries. But no, no he shouldn’t think like that. The constant danger was one of the reasons Sam left the life as a hunter. He hasn’t gotten anymore scars. He had every right to follow a different path. Right? 

Sam was still curious, though, so he decided to ask Dean about these scars. Maybe, this would get them back together. At least a bit. Knowing what the other did since the parting may clear some things up for Sam. He hopes so. 

“And that?” Sam gestures at the neck. Dean tilts his head and reveals his other shoulder.  
“Werewolf”, he says. “Sucker went berserk on me and dad before I shot him. I had to go to the hospital with that one.” Dean rolls his eyes. He has never been a friend of hospitals, Sam knows. 

“What’s with the one on your arm?”  
Dean traces over the long clean cut. “Witches. Rituals. You know. Nasty critters. Nearly bled me dry.” Dean shrugs. “But they didn’t expect me cutting their throats before they could do that.”

Sam grimaces. How many times has Dean been close to death while they didn’t talk? How many times could he have lost him without knowing? This is a thought that has plagued Sam every day he didn’t hear from his brother or his dad. 

“Man, that sounds- You could’ve died”, the younger says, shaking his head.  
“Kinda comes with the job Sammy”, Dean replies. He moves to sit on his bed and takes his shirt up, so that half of his torso is revealed. There gapes an accumulation of deep, ugly scars. It hurts Sam just to look at it.  
“Shapeshifter”, Dean explains. “That one was stupid. I was with dad. We were on that case and somehow got blamed for the murders the shifter committed. The shifter got me pinned down, as we searched for it separately. And then, the bastard starts stabbing me with my own knifes. 8 times. Luckily the thing wasn’t very good at anatomy, otherwise I’d be dead. It didn’t hit any important organs.” Dean shakes his head, probably judging the stupidity of these wounds. “Problem was: we were searched criminals in that area, so we couldn’t go to the hospital in that town or any town nearby. Dad hat to stitch me up. Lost a lot of blood, almost didn’t make it. I was wasted for two weeks at least.”

Dean glances to Sam and shrugs. The younger wasn’t able to respond anything other than a disbelieving face.  
“You almost died there?”, Sam whispers, “You didn’t call?”  
“No. We didn’t want to bother you. We respected your decision. You were out, Sam”, says Dean and takes his shirt down again.  
“But you were dying”, argues Sam.  
“Well, I didn’t.”

Dean moves now to tug at his right pant leg. A scar reveals itself there too.  
“A nix”, Dean says, “Bitch had a grip. She pulled me unter water.”  
The older waves behind him. “I have a pretty big one on my back. It was a werewolf. Again.” He shoots Sam an annoyed look and shrugs. “Man I hate things with claws.”

Sam doesn’t know what to say. His goal was for them to talk, for Dean to tell a bit about what happened while their ways parted, but now he just feels bad. He shouldn’t have asked. He should have known this was the only thing Dean could tell stories about. He should have known nothing good could have come out of it; nothing other than Sam feeling bad.

“I’m sorry”, he says, faint.  
“For what?”, asks Dean.  
“For not being there to help.”  
Sam sighs.  
“Well Sammy, you were otherwise occupied, weren’t you? This wasn’t your life at the time. You got nothing to be sorry for.” Dean smiles encouraging and stands up to pass Sam with a clap on his shoulder.

“I’m getting food. You hungry?”  
Sam shakes his head. “No. Thanks.” His appetite is gone. He feels a bit sick and this stinging feeling in his chest doesn’t make things more durable.  
“You sure?”, asks Dean, just to be save.  
“Yeah”, Sam confirms. Dean nods. “Okay.” He moves to the door and hesitated.  
“Don’t Beat yourself up about this. I’m good. Dad is good too, I’m sure”, he says then, “And we’re going to find him.”  
Dean smiles an honest smile and leaves the room. 

Sam doesn’t know if he feels better.


End file.
